Change requires great strength of will so you've got to know WHY you want this change.
To quote Nietche "If your WHY is strong enough, you will endure ANY how."
And here is why I think you want it - you just can't not. The thought of living with not changing your life fills you with terror.. and besides.. YOU AND YOUR LIFE ARE WORTH IT, PERIOD!
All you need to do is choose it, choose yourself, decide to be brave enough and strong enough to claim the life you actually want and then get busy, doing what it takes and getting the help you need to make it happen!